6 years ago when I was pregnant with my first born, I believed that women really can have it all… a career, a business, a loving relationship, a family, a bustling social life, etc, etc.
Lately, after having my second child I’ve come to the realization that I was thinking about this all wrong. Sure, I can try and be a ‘Superwoman’ and ‘have it all’, doing, managing, and being everything. But guess what…. ‘Superwoman’ is super tired.
It is possible to have it all, just not at the SAME time.
I’ve found my year of maternity very frustrating, as I have ideas coming out of my head 24/7 and only the odd partial naptime here and there to do anything with those ideas. Learning to ruthlessly prioritise has helped me stay sane since my youngest came along.
As this is my second time around now, I’ve realized that for every stage of being a young parent (particularly for the stay at home parent), there is a corresponding stage of productivity.
Now I realize that not everyone would have had or will have an experience like mine, but here is the way my productivity was impacted by becoming a parent.
Pregnancy – Birth of child
Your cognitive abilities feel like they’re on the decline because, well, you’re growing a human. All your energy just automatically gets forwarded onto the womb until the goods are ready. You might have periods of time where you feel great, but generally you can forget about being your most productive self. Besides, if you’re anything like me, you’d have spent that first pregnancy comparing your growing babies’ size to different fruits. There’s a reason my first was nicknamed ‘Bean’, and my second was nicknamed ‘Blueberry’.
Birth – 6 months post partum
Eat. Sleep. Feed. Repeat. Forget all expectations of getting anything else done. You’re doing well if you can stay awake for longer than one paragraph of an interesting book or 15 minutes into a Netflix series.
6 months -12 months post partum
Your mind starts finding things interesting again, having ideas and thoughts, and wondering what life will be like when you get some time back for yourself. It’s sometimes takes a bit of effort to consciously remind yourself ‘what is it that I actually did for myself before having children?’ and then figuring out how to plan that into your life. But as I was still on maternity leave in this period, those things just had to wait.
12 months and back to work
I’m back in this stage again now, and facing big questions like; what routines do I need to have in place so that I can work and still be there for my family? If you’re lucky enough to have a partner who lives with you and shares the responsibility of bringing up children, then you might find it easier than someone who is a single parent, but either way, there have to be significant changes to the ‘way we’ve always done it round here’.
I remember the first time I dropped my son off at the childminder and cried all the way home. I was so sad to leave him there, wondering if I was a terrible mother for having someone to look after him whilst I got my head back on straight and found a job. Then that anguish quickly dissipated and I looked forward to having that time for me again.
12 months – starting school
Your new routines start to become more established and you settle into a rhythm that works for your family. The key areas of extreme planning end up being the beginning and ends of the day when you have to get everybody out of the house on time, or get them fed, bathed and into bed on time. Each family will have a different take on what works for them.
And that’s as far as I’ve gotten with my parenting and productivity journey so far. The one thing that I’ve taken away from it is that I’m even more productive now that I have children, because every spare minute that I’m without them counts for twice as much.
Balancing the quality of the work, with how long it takes to do is now a never-ending juggle in my life. Any perfectionist tendencies that I used to have, are now a distant memory.
What’s your experience been like? How do you manage having a family with working and being your most productive self?
Today’s image courtesy of DALL-E using prompt: showcase the struggle of a working female parent who is trying to manage children, work, family and home life
This substack is my way of ‘re-finding myself’ after taking a year to bring up my second child. I’m going to attempt to post every week for the foreseeable future. If you’re interested to hear more about how it’s going and my experiences with productivity in general, feel free to click subscribe.