This Gigantic Hidden To-Do List Is Destroying My Life.
My mental load is getting unbearable, but here's what I'm doing about it.
Solo parenting has a way of revealing just how many little things still need doing. It's like being caught in a vice that tightens each day.
I'm overburdened and overwhelmed, though you wouldn't know it from the outside. Everything looks calm on the surface.
But look deeper and you'll find sticky notes. Lots of them.
These aren't tasks from my weekly planner – they're on top of my regular work, daily chores, and keeping everyone fed.
They're multiplying, pages of them scattered in every room: Buy Bean's next-size swimming costume. Add shower gel to the shopping list. Start the food shop. Find the fleece he lost at school. Get Blueberry some gloves. Return library books. Pay for half-term clubs.
All this alongside the usual – daily house management, preparing three meals, tackling endless loads of laundry, keeping everyone on schedule for school. So. Fucking. Busy. And if I don't remember it all, who will?
This is what I find hardest about being human. It's not the work pressures or daily tasks – I can handle those. It's everything else. The expected yet unsaid things.
Mental Load.
It's truly exhausting.
When I was single and childless, we called it 'Personal Admin'. Then I became a wife and mother, and it transformed into 'Mental Load'. Why?
Because life is complicated. You can't plan for everything, and while each task seems small, they stack up fast. Thirty little things added to your list each day, with thirty more tomorrow.
Repeat until you die. Some days I'm just trying to survive.
I took myself for a walk (I do my best thinking then) and asked what advice I'd give myself. Here's what I came up with:
Talk to my partner. Have a focused conversation about this, sharing specific examples and asking for help.
Be extremely organized – divide responsibilities by domain, where each person manages specific task types (e.g., one handles school-related items, the other manages laundry).
Make the task list visible to everyone, not just myself.
Then I ran out of ideas, so I asked ChatGPT, which suggested:
See a therapist to talk things through
Make more time for self-care, even brief breaks help
Delegate tasks or set boundaries – though this is tricky without support
Journal to process thoughts
Find a relaxing hobby
Practice mindfulness or meditation – already doing this one, check!
The takeaway
These little things aren't insignificant – they're the key to inner peace. Reducing them frees up mental space to tackle each day.
Mental load is no joke. Please check on your family and friends, especially those with young children. Taking even one small task off their plate can make a world of difference to their mental health.
Meanwhile, I'm following my own advice (and ChatGPT's), planning more conversations with my partner and prioritizing self-care.
What about you? How are you managing your mental load?
See you next week.
-Selda
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The to-do list can be a massive source of stress, especially when it keeps growing. I try to differentiate each task into categories of most important and what's not. You can only do so many things in a day. Being able to evaluate what you need or what a project needs most helps. Sometimes you have to prioritize your self care though and that should be a priority.