Why Productivity Advice Fails Parents (I Had A Little Meltdown)

A brutally honest look at parenting, productivity, and why sometimes doing your best means letting go.

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“She’s got a temperature of 38.7, please come and collect her.”

That was the voicemail I received about an hour into arriving at my first in-person conference in months.

I was in the basement of the venue, 2 hours away from home, and I just wanted to scream into a pillow.

The last almost 7 years of being a parent, I’ve realised my life revolves around my children and doing what’s best for them.

It’s making me wonder, why I am being like this?
Is it because I always felt second fiddle to my parents’ aspirations and ambitions?
Is it because I’ve always dreamed of giving my children more – more love, more cuddles, more quality time – than I ever had?

I’m sure there’s lots of deep psychological stuff going on there, but all I can say is that I have felt incredibly frustrated by my inability to get any work done this week.

My level of ambition for my new business is sky high, but the amount of time I can afford to give it is so low.

The Modern Parent’s Impossible Balancing Act

This isn’t just a personal struggle – it’s a deeply modern one. In the 1960s, most households had just one working parent. Today, over two-thirds of couples are dual earners, meaning more of us are constantly navigating the collision between work and home life.

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild called it the “second shift” – the unpaid labour of parenting, laundry, homework help, and emotional caregiving that kicks in after paid work ends. And for many parents today, that second shift has become an all-consuming full-time job layered on top of everything else.

So when I feel like I’m drowning under deadlines or falling behind in the AI space, it’s not because I’m not trying hard enough. It’s because I’m already working another invisible job.

Productivity Wasn’t Designed for This

I want to be exercising at least 2-3 times a week. But at the moment, I’m lucky if I can do one workout a week.

I’m struggling to keep up with all the tech bros.

In the AI space, there are new developments every day, every week, but instead I’m just trying to finish the thing I started last week. I’ll probably still be trying to finish it next week.

Meanwhile, in the spare 2 mins that I have free, whilst I’m nursing a feverish Blueberry, I make the mistake of doom-scrolling Substack where everyone seems to be celebrating large milestones, or I’m seeing yet more productivity advice from those who are childless, with endless free time on their hands.

Is it wrong that I just want to punch them all?

But science backs this up too – chronic sleep deprivation, which is common for parents of young kids, impairs memory, focus, and problem-solving. And the constant “mental load” of parenting – remembering playdates, school events, medicines, snacks – takes up serious brain space. Research shows it actually crowds out the cognitive bandwidth we need for deep work or strategic thinking.

So no, it’s not just in my head. It’s in my hormones, my sleep cycle, and the 73 things I’m tracking just to keep my family afloat.

Real Productivity Fits Around Real Life

Why am I telling you this?

Because real productivity has to fit around real life.

It’s not – I repeat – NOT easy to be productive when you have two young children who need you every second.

So, before you begin to judge Mike for forgetting to send that memo after spending the night sleeping on the floor next to his poorly child, or judge Julie for leaving the office at 3pm to pick up her kid, even though she only got there at 9.30am... think again.

The race to keep our jobs as AI takes over has to start with our own mindsets.
What makes us human is our ability to be empathetic, be humble, and remember that we can’t possibly know what our fellow humans are going through.

Humans are after all, always going to be interested in other humans.
But instead of berating those who make a costly mistake, remember they could be dealing with a lot on their plates.

This applies to anyone, regardless of whether they have children.

You’re Not Failing – You’re Carrying

There is no one formula that says you should work X hours, or do Y habits to be productive.

But there should be one universal rule – and that is to have a little heart.

It’s not easy bringing up little people.
And if your little people are now big people, then try and remember how hard it was, once upon a time for you too.

We’re all just trying our best.
But perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned about myself this week, is not that everyone else should give me a break and get off my case (although they really should).

It’s that I need to get off my own case.

This is a life stage that will one day be over. And rather than trying to push a boulder uphill, I’ve got to remember that sometimes, it’s ok to not make progress, and instead just know that it doesn’t matter as much as I think it does.

What I Told Myself This Week

1. If you can’t get any work done, just write off the day. The urge to work will still be there when your child is feeling better. And you’ll be like a rocket-ship. Watch out tech bros!

2. Just because you miss the bus, doesn’t mean there won’t be another one coming right around the corner. Opportunities are like buses, they’re always coming. But you gotta be at the bus stop to see them.

3. Clear your mind – it’s hard to see what you should do next when your head is full of niggly thoughts.

4. Breathe – tomorrow is a new day.

Let’s Talk About It

Can you relate? How do you cope when everything seems against you making progress?

If this resonated with you, please let me know and feel free to share this with other working parents who might feel alone.

Till next week.